


The Need For Change

by thegirlwholoveshorror



Series: Don't Stop Smoking And Drinking [10]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Gen, M/M, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 11:11:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12456452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlwholoveshorror/pseuds/thegirlwholoveshorror
Summary: Jensen takes a course in meditation. It doesn't go over well for him.





	The Need For Change

November 27 2015

Regardless of the scars that he bears inside and out, Jensen's a **fighter** , a **winner** , and a **champion** of sorts, one you can't deny.

Born into a blue-collar family with terrible parental supervision - the all too strict kind -, not too many resources and without religious faith or a good father figure, Jensen was pain-stricken from a young age, but used by now to being surrounded by a grand many of life’s social and ethical/moral ills.

Left to his own devices most of the time yet having to deal nonetheless with the madness of his father, the blatant ignorance and self-righteousness of his mother as well as his own past alcoholism/druggism, he knew the feeling of having to scramble for cover. His life was impossible, but Jensen just had to deal with it regardless because it was either that -  _spend every day fighting to live despite it_ \- or surrender to the darkness in him and around him. Jensen didn't want his life to be over and he didn't want to go in that direction.

And so here he sat, hands clasped together with his feet pushing back and forth against the grey carpet beneath him, in a circle with maybe 12 or 13 other people who all looked at him intently; a soft smile there, a nod of the head there...

This wasn't some kind of group therapy, no— what this was is that he had signed up for a class in **meditation** with the NYU Psychology Department, but already he was doubting if it'd be worth his time to even stay past the first break. After all, this was his last semester before graduating and getting his degree in computer sciences and he had a full course load as well as work to deal with. He was a tutor for students with developmental disorders such as dyslexia and autism for the NYU's Office of Student Affairs. Jensen had wanted to give this a go anyway though - you know, just in case it might give him some kind of inner peace or clarity -, but it just didn't seem like it was for him now that he was doing it.

There were so many reasons why this didn't feel right... Firstly, the teachers were acting out of the ordinary, in a way that's not relaxing but puzzling to Jensen: they were acting like pissed off and stressed out chaperones. There was definitely something very dark about them - repressed, unwanted, shadowy... -, and it scared Jensen that he couldn't just see it, but he could feel it too. Jensen couldn't tell what the source of it was, but he didn't want to be able to see it or feel it anyway. It was all just too intense and impossible to ignore. What worried Jensen most of all is that, when faced with people like this, he always felt like some kind of scrawny animal up for slaughter... He knew they wouldn't think twice before trampling all over him if he got in their way. Secondly, the activities they partook in were stupid at best. At first, Jensen had tried to focus on the very simple breathing exercises and relaxation techniques put in order for them... But, he couldn't let his body be swept away with his mind when, already, he felt liberated and enlightened. In fact, he was ready to hit the ground running. So, what was the point of this?

That's when Jensen understood that he was already complete in every sense of the word. He'd overcome monumental challenges and was so far past crap like this that it was totally out of sight. If anything, simple Buddhism would go further than this _bullshit_ does with freeing the anxious mind from its prison. Thirdly, how is it possible that these teachers could have ever thought that it would be a good idea for students to meditate in a college **classroom**? Classrooms are busy places... Wouldn't it be much better if it were done outdoors or in one of the college's libraries? Winter had after all only just started, and there was no snow outside yet... Also, libraries had always been a place of quiet contemplation and reflection...

Needless to say that Jensen wasn't at all impressed by the event.  _'_ 'If you're going to do it at all, don't half-ass it,' was one of Jensen's mottos.

“Compassion is a way of caring for others. It's not normally something that comes naturally to us. Therefore, let's all try to feel compassion for each other right now,” said one of the two professors hosting this seance, perhaps half to himself and the other half to the rest of the room.

 _Oh hell, no,_ Jensen thought to himself _, this shit's fucked up._

Now on the edge of his seat, he couldn't wait to get the Hell out of there.

Jensen's throat tightened a little as he thought to himself that he wouldn't be coming back and that he was not one for meditation. A walk in the park and some **mountain** climbing was all Jensen really needed to clear his mind, to gain control of himself... or to simply allow himself to exist in harmony with the world. Not to mention, Jensen didn't need meditation just to be able to feel some kind of gratitude or compassion towards others. He wasn't that shallow.

A few minutes later, during the break period, despite his best intentions, Jensen found himself walking out of the classroom, down the hall and outside into the parking lot at the front of the building where he'd been earlier that day as he thought to himself, _I am so sick of this shit._

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this and you're not a registered user of AO3, you should know that this series has many instalments and that I keep the majority of them only available to registered users. (this could be subject to change however)


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